LIVE LIKE YOU LEAVE TOMORROW

The older you get the more you think about dying.
Squeaky joints.
Dizzy spells.
Freaky pains.
Quick heartbeats.
Crazy ideas what these might portend.
Nuh-uh. Can't eat that. That either.
The bloodwork. The CAT scans. The call from your doc.

Then there are the talks about what you've accumulated.
Who gets what.
How much goes where.
What to do with what.
Where to put things in.
Why.

Of course the stuff that comes with the territory.
More references to "Back in the day"
The Sunday radio oldies are much more familiar than it used to.
You call everyone not your age "anak".

"Back in the day" when we'd think about dying it would be because of some freak plane crash or nuclear explosion, or some cataclysmic event caused by the alignment of the planets, or World War III, but never because of growing old and well, dying. Then it was always someone else, someone distant, and definitely someone older.

But since you're where you may not have expected to be, dying begins to be more of a personal experience. Every so often you hear about a contemporary of yours succumbing to his battle with the sickness. The elders whose funerals you attend are only a few years your senior. You begin to "feel things", the way you'd hear your parents talk about the same thing. "Inheritance planning" piques your interest. Existentialist questions aren't as flippant as you once considered it was.

I've been to enough funeral services where the preacher would eulogize about the dead person "serving God's purposes" before he died, and have preached about that enough myself in Acts 13. But as one day it will be my turn to be in the box, these lines take on a different meaning.

What does it mean to "serve God's purposes in your generation?" (Acts 13:36)

Songwriter (and mentor) Rich Mullins may have grappled with the same question, and had this to say:

"So much life is slipping past you,
You better sink in and take a hold
So many things you say you think you'd like to do
About the things you think you know
Well, that road that's paved with good intentions
May never reach the streets of gold.

The things you grab will never last you
Once they get you in their hold
What once were your slaves become your masters
They burn you up and leave you cold

And eventually wrote the lines from which this post is named:
Live like you'll die tomorrow, die knowing you'll live forever;
Love like you'll leave tomorrow, believing love lasts forever

in other words, Live Right.

God has purposes for me in my generation - to honor Him.
His purposes for me are not for my generation alone, it extends to the next one.
He has set a destiny for me, knowing that one day, I, too, will die;
But not before that destiny is fulfilled.

Just like the omens of our mortality meet us at every corner, threats to the very lives of the first followers of Christ were a fairly regular occurrence. But since they were living out God’s purposes for their generation, knowing that one day their lives, too, would end, they went right on living right – honoring their Lord by speaking to others about Him, damn the consequences. This “knowing,” seemed to give them a pristine clarity that enabled them to see through the fog of death. They drew strength to stay the course, and energized them with a “joy unspeakable and full of glory”.

I need to live out my sermon. There remain God’s purposes in my life, the limitations of growing old notwithstanding. The generation of my own, and the generation that is next. I begin to write my epitaphs now, so no falsehoods need be written by someone else later.

Live like you leave tomorrow.

Between the pleasure and the grief

I just remembered the line from Bryan Duncan's song how to recognize a lover from a thief from out of the blue:

"how long, how long will you suffer, caught between the pleasure and the grief?

how long? how long till you recognize a lover from a thief?"

As the years roll on top of another I try to balance looking back and looking forward, since I do not want my memories overtaking me dreams. I nevertheless take stock of my position, where I stand now and what I've accomplished. And I wish I was happier, but I'm not.

What were the wrong choices, and what were the right ones? While the final analysis is yet to come, the milestone of the present may be an indication of the rightness or the wrongness of a choice, or a series of choices, that I have made.

Gumby

I could've thought of a more dignified character with the same attributes. Mr. Fantastic or Lastikman. But Gumby does the job of description. I feel like Gumby, pulled in different directions and stretching to the point of breaking. I've considered the fact that Gumby didn't have a backbone but that is not the point. The analogy is not about having a spine or not. It's of being pulled by opposing forces in opposite directions to the edge of the stretching point.

I bet Gumby didn't enjoy it either. I mean, who would? It's as if you were the plaything of the universe, and Gumby never asked to be pulled to and fro (for that we have art clokey to thank) In a few ways I feel like Gumby.

The New Venture

I remember my year and a half sojourn in the United States in 1989 - 1991, especially the last few months before i went back to the Philippines. Then i had stayed in Oceanside, California with my aunt and cousin's family, helping watch over the kids and the house while my cousin's husband was doing Desert Storm duty in the Persian Gulf. I remember the ministry opportunity with a church called New Venture Christian Fellowship.

The fact that I appreciated was how they recognized their mission judging by the name they chose to be called - New Venture. By definition, Venture conjures images of risk and danger, an even chance of failure and disappointment, together with the plausibility of success and achievement. to venture means to risk, to gamble regardless of the odds.

While the life of faith carries with it a stable reassurance backed by the unchanging Word of the Almighty God, it nevertheless involves a measure of "jumping into the unknown", trusting in no one or nothing else other that the words lifted from the pages of the Scriptures. In scenes reminiscent of Indiana Jones leaping off the cave into a gaping chasm not seeing the seemingly invisible rock bridge, the believer gambles on the one on whom he has persuaded him "he is able to keep what he has committed against that day".

While the process is one repeated day after day, that scenarios are new, a splash page every time the site is refreshed. One day it may be an SMS of bad news, another day it may be financial reversal, and on yet another day it may be in the form of turncoat friends. All these scenarios testing that journey of risk - a venture of faith.

More often than not, these scenarios break rather than make us. our finite minds (regardless of what "reputable educational institution" we have received our training from) cannot understand (wait, let me rephrase - finds it difficult to understand) WHY? "Why do they keep doing this to us", "Why do the creditors come to us just when we ran out of money?". And the splash page keeps refreshing and refreshing and refreshing.

Simple Joys

Today I walked home after getting of the FX and running an errand at the store. With the P15 I saved I bought a P10 supot of nilagang mais and enjoyed it along the 1.8 kilometer walk home. My left foot, still sore from the gout I’ve been treating, still made it a bit difficult for me to up the pace, but it made for a leisurely walk. I also took a different route than the usual, allowing me to see something different.

Capitol Homes looked so much greener after the weeks of raining, the trees and shrubbery bursting with green and accents of yellow, brown, red, orange, and so many other colors. The variety of plants and trees made for very interesting contrast. I am no tree specialist nor flora afficionado, and so I will not be able to tell one name from the other. In fact, I will not even try figuring them out. One thing – they sure looked lovely today. To me, at least.

Why, you may ask, am I suddenly turning softy praising the appeal of the environment, knowing that I am more comfortable with steel and the sky? For the sake of leaving you some crumbs of truth that I realized during that walk home.

Ten pesos is no small thing unless you want to eat some steamed corn and all (I mean all) your money has been allocated for the month, sans, you guessed it – the corn. But then you realize that our heavenly Father will scour the universe to provide for those he truly loves, in order for us to enjoy a simple treat.

The Fifteen pesos I saved from taking the tricycle is a small thing compared to the twenty minutes I spent of the road home. Here is what I gained:
- Twenty minutes of small talk (but oh so intimate) with God. I enjoyed him so much together with his treat of nilagang mais.
- A reminder that faith isn’t about seeing how or where you ask for will come from. This was because of all the pretty houses I passed by, causing me to wonder how or when I could provide one like that for my wife and kids. But God tells me “won’t you let me take care of that?” and so I tell him, “ok, I believe you. That’s enough.”
- I saw (compared to “I read”) what the Bible meant when Jesus talked about “the lilies of the field”. Of how indeed Solomon’s fashion could not come close to how those trees and plants today looked. If those trees looked majestic, man, God will never leave us in a sorry state.

When I consider and weigh the payoff, I would say I got a good deal on the P15 peso savings. Simple things. But more profound and valuable in return.

For you, this I say: don’t take these small, simple joys for granted. Sweat the small stuff.

The Pack

You dont have to go with the pack. Sometimes you can, sometimes you must, but only because you decide so. No matter how strong the outside suggestions are, you will ultimately be the one who decides what you will do.

It will be very difficult standing on your own in the midst of all the voices around you telling you to go a certain direction, even more difficult when everybody else (the pack) is already going there. You will be unpopular. You will feel alone. But you won't be.
We have trained you to listen to what is right. We have taught you not to accept anything with understanding. We have taught you where to base your judgements on, where to anchor your values on, taught you to choose what is right.

The pack generally decides on the basis of what feels right. You know that there are more important considerations than just what you feel. You have been taught to base your decisions on established moral standards. You have seen us use those standards. You have witnessed how we have tried to live according to those standards. Those standards are based on God's Word - the Bible. It shows us how to tell what is right and what is wrong. It helps us to know. I tell you this because time will come when you will have doubts about the credibility of the Bible. This is because of outside influences,and not because you have not seen it to be true. The pack has a different set of values than what you have been taught. Prominent and even authoritative members of the pack will be up front with you and tell you that what you have based your lives upon is no longer in style. you can hear them, but i am confident that you will know what the truth is. You have known enough of it to prove its reliability; how time after time the promises God has given, he has kept. We may not have been perfect in keeping ours (although we know that you know we tried, and continue to do so) but God has an unbroken track record in keeping his word. You know that. You've seen it yourselves how he's done that in our family.

The pack will try its darned best to get you to go along with them, but remember - you don't have to.

You will need courage to stand alone when the time comes.

One Among Many

It seems that for the longest time I've been meaning to get a journal up and running, but somehow I can't get myself to go to a bookstore to get a journal, well dang, my pens at home don't write as well as i want it. But since working at Teletech,the need to start one that's honest to goodness has been really very urgent. That explains why i am trying to start this blog.

I've been in teletech since June 7, after resigning from PBS on June 1. Marami nang nangyari kaya mabuti na rin na at least dito maitatala ko sa mga girls how my journey has been. And yes, while in a way this is a journey alone, it really isn't. This journey began from the mind of him who planned this for me, and every day is an unraveling of that plan, often to my surprise (recently, fortunately, pleasantly). Today is another chapter, which unfortunately, will have to be continued as my trainer is due to arrive real soon.

But it's nice to get started. One reason for this journal is a greek proverb I first heard from Pastor Butch Conde during our Tuesday night study:

'A society grows great when old people plant trees whose shade they know they will never sit in.'

This (among so many other significant stuff that has affected me profoundly from those tuesday nights) has been a driving motivation for me to leave something for my children to pick up somewhere down the line (I am, after all, not getting any younger). I am concerned that what the world has to offer to my children's generation is a big plastic pack of chinese ampaw - doesn't matter if its the peanut covered ones or the puffed rice covered ones. Lots of nice sweet stuff on the outside, but inside you find nothing of the pleasant stuff you had when you first bit into it. I want my kids to have a good future, and like the Meridian's mission, I have to build it now.

To start, they have to get one thing settled - God first. Yes, I know its not popular nowadays. Well, heck, it never was (people would rather put themselves first)but that is how I want my kids to anchor their lives on. The first step to that I believe is to have the same thing in operation in myself first - and it is. I will not ask of my children what I cannot or have not done so myself. The goals - Master, Mission, Mate have been planted in their hearts and minds (and I pray that they remember it even if they are far from my presence)

I am grateful for this first step - one among many.